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| Subject: | Forgive me... |
| Time: | 8:30 am. |
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I dropped my diary in a puddle. Yes, it took me this long to find a new one... kind of sad, I agree, but really... I've had other priorities.
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Comments: Add Your Own.
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Thursday, April 29th, 2004
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| Subject: | Here it is... |
| Time: | 9:54 am. |
| Mood: |  pessimistic. |
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Oh, dear. I've dropped my diary in a puddle. I suppose that's what I get for remaining outside during the rain... but it feels so unusual to be indoors. Being inside buildings gives me the creeps now, genuinely. It's not that I'm trying to hide it or anything, but it's rather embarrassing.
So I just stay out here.
That way, the residue of whoever lived there... their photographs, possessions... it isn't there to haunt me.
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Comments: Add Your Own.
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| Subject: | Do I dare...? |
| Time: | 10:43 am. |
| Mood: |  nervous. |
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I think...
I think I saw someone. He was far-off and not even looking my direction... but I think it was a person. My heart was in my throat for the rest of the day. If that could be possible... possible even down to a million to one...
I don't know if I should even dare to hope. After all, I'm probably setting myself up for disappointment.
And what are the chances that, if I do find someone, they won't be hostile...?
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Comments: Add Your Own.
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| Subject: | More misplaced optimism in a time when it's most unnecessary. |
| Time: | 11:41 am. |
| Mood: |  confused. |
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The air is cleaner now...
Have I gotten this despondent, so that I don't mind the death of billions of people just for a little fresh air?
I prayed this morning.
It didn't help.
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Comments: Add Your Own.
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Thursday, April 22nd, 2004
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| Subject: | This is rather off-topic... |
| Time: | 2:20 pm. |
| Mood: | contemplative. |
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I miss things like ice cream.
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Comments: Add Your Own.
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| Subject: | Perhaps something's going right after all. |
| Time: | 6:51 am. |
| Mood: |  optimistic. |
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I found a kitten today. She was just walking the highway along with me. Funny, how animals seem to not be affected by what's happened to the people...
Anyway, she's been following me now. It's rather cute. She's entirely white, with one green eye and one blue eye. I think I'm going to name her.
Now to think of a name...
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Comments: Read 1 or Add Your Own.
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| Subject: | Ugh... |
| Time: | 6:02 pm. |
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I've been neglecting my writing lately. Which is definitely a problem. I mean... if there's anything that's needed in these new times--these frightening times--it's records. What if, once this generation passes, no one can remember what life was like before...? What if the memories of things like electronics, television, cosmetics, baseball... what if they're all regarded as nothing more than the stuff of legend?
What if there isn't a next generation at all?
I wonder these things as I follow the highways, searching for people. They're crowded with cars... people trying to escape the cities in their last feverish moments, I suppose. I don't know why they thought they would've gotten anywhere. After all, the entire world is like this now... or at least that's what I've resigned myself to.
... I don't pray anymore. I used to three times a day or more. Religion used to be my crutch. But now... the love I could feel that wrapped around me every night when I was on my knees... it's gone. I don't know where it went.
I feel abandoned. Not by people... I couldn't care any less about them than I already to. But by Him. If there's nothing left to live for in the afterlife, then why is there anything left in this life?
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Comments: Add Your Own.
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expiate_me's journal